If Tomorrow Never Comes
by screaming-poetically
Summary: Short collection of ficlets based around the pairing of Tommy and Kevin. They never try to think about what would happen if they never made it to tomorrow.
1. A Hard Day's Night

**Title: **A Hard Day's Night  
**Rating:** T  
**Prompt/Claim:** Tommy Donnelly/Kevin Donnelly (#1)  
**Spoilers: **Takes place after 1.01, "The Pilot."  
**Warnings:** Implied incest and mild language.  
**Author's Notes:** Jesus, I love _The Black Donnellys_. It's so shiny and brand new. Part of my "If Tomorrow Never Comes" series.

**A Hard Day's Night **

"Jimmy just got pinched for stealin' that truck," Tommy said, both arms braced against the window as he looked out into the dark night.

"But he just went out to get some beer," Kevin protested, taking a bite of the sandwich Jenny made for him. At nineteen, he really did love to eat. Eat, and have sex. The two together didn't exactly make a good combination, unless he was eating—

"Yeah, well, it happened."

"That sucks," Kevin said. He looked at Tommy, who was looking out into the night like it was gonna bring some kind of absolution. As fucking if. Ain't nothing that was gonna bring absolution to the Donnelly brothers. Tommy always tried to clean up after his brothers, tried to _save them_, especially Jimmy. And this time, well, this time he hadn't done so. And knowing Tommy as he did, and maybe knowing him more than anyone else, Tommy had to be feeling guilty as all hell.

"I talked to Frankie. Jimmy'll be going into rehab," Tommy said heavily.

"You talked to Frankie?" He lowered his sandwich. If that didn't just beat all.

"Yeah."

"Then it's a good thing?" Kevin really hoped that Jimmy getting pinched would be a good thing, because it would just about kill their Ma. God's honest truth, when Jimmy's leg had been ruined, it had almost been the end—as the oldest, and with their father already gone, all the family's hopes had rested on Jimmy. But after that day, Jimmy was already gone. And the rest of his brothers followed, with the exception of Tommy, who chose to dream about leaving this place and clean up after his brothers. Hope rested with him, but that's all it did. Rest.

"Yeah, Kevin. It's a good thing." A pause, heavily laden with tension and things left unsaid for years. Years. And then Tommy said, "I think I'm gonna head out for a while."

Kevin stared after Tommy for a moment, and he knew, just knew that Tommy was out to do something that was bound to get him in some kind of trouble. And Tommy was never one to get in trouble, unless it was trying to get his brothers clean. Jimmy, he thought, what the fuck have you _done_. "Shit," he said, throwing his sandwich away as he hurried after his brother.

Few minutes later they stood in front of the elevator, and Tommy looked at him with some kind of terror in his eyes. Some different kind of _fear_ that was entirely new to Kevin, he'd never seen it on anyone's face before. It was like what he imagined people would look like if they were about to lose everything that meant the most to him, and that kind of look shouldn't be on Tommy Donnelly's face. Not now, and not ever again.

"Where are you going?"

He turned his head to face Tommy, his eyes open and honest. "Wherever you are."

He turned back to the elevator, mindful of Tommy's eyes on him. Kevin had never known that Tommy's eyes could feel so piercing and clear – see right through him, right on through the looking glass. Mirror, mirror, who's the dumbest of them all? Who the fuck would even _say_ something that was so loaded, that even hinted at what Kevin meant? That he fucking loved Tommy, loved him so much that it felt like a constant ache.

"Tommy!" Jenny held the door of the elevator open as she stared at them both from outside. "I made you a sandwich, you know? Aren't you gonna eat it?"

"I'll get it when I come back."

"Tommy," she said more firmly, "you are not your brother. Never were. Now come back and eat your sandwich."

Kevin watched as the defeat, and yes, the resolve, settled around Tommy. He'd never seen that before. He'd seen the resolve. Every Donnelly had that. It was in their blood, you see. But the defeat? Tommy Donnelly was never defeated, he never got down to rock bottom because his brothers were there to save him. "I'll come back for it," Tommy replied. They both heard Jenny slam her hand against the elevator door as they descended.

There were no words, none, as they went down. At the same moment they turned to face each other, then turned away after a quick moment. Kevin stifled a half-grin. They'd be lucky to get out of this alive, but if they did – Jesusfuck, he'd try his best to make Tommy better. Because that's what family does, that's what brothers do, and that's what he'd do for Tommy, because he loved him.

TBC.


	2. From a Whisper to a Scream

**Title:** From a Whisper to a Scream  
**Rating:** T  
**Prompt/Claim:** Tommy Donnelly/Kevin Donnelly (#2) Luck  
**Spoilers:** Takes place during/after 1.01, "The Pilot."  
**Warnings:** Slightly AU, for the purpose of my story. Definite incest but nothing too explicit, and mild language.  
**Author's Notes:** Hee, I say. Hee!

**From a Whisper to a Scream**

It wasn't like he had never handled a gun before, like he had never felt the cool metal in his hands or the heavy weight of it in his palm – even heavier after he had _killed someone_ – but this was different. He had, after all, just committed a multiple homicide, he had broken the law and he had gotten Kevin involved. But getting his brother involved, that wasn't directly his fault. Kevin offered to go, Kevin said he was going wherever he was going and that is all there was to it. And Tommy knew better than anyone that when Kevin made up his mind about something ain't nothing that could change it.

And really, Tommy had never expected to come out of this alive. He came to kill Sal and Hughie, because the first wanted to kill his brother and the second sold Jimmy out, but then he ended up killing that guard. He was fine with dying, really. He would save Jimmy, he would save them all. And wasn't that what he had been trying to do since he had crushed Jimmy's leg all those years ago? Since he had started walking the straight-and-narrow? He didn't know what he expected, really. Maybe something like in the comic books, when an army comes out of nowhere, out of the ceiling almost – can you imagine, he thought. Italians out of a fucking ceiling.

"Tommy?" Kevin's voice, his hand on Tommy's shoulder, shaking him out a daze. "Tommy. We have to go, man. The police, the Italians, whoever-the fuck. They're gonna be here, ya know that. Tommy—" A pause, and then, "Fuck's sake."

Kevin's hands took the gun out of Tommy's hand, wiped it down on his sweater and dropped it on the floor at their feet. He grabbed Tommy's arm and pulled him out of the room, out into the hall (step over the dead Italian guard, nice job there Tommy, you're a Donnelly after all) and Kevin hated himself for thinking that. Because Tommy is his brother, and didn't Kevin promise himself that he would take care of him, for once to make Tommy better? And now _this_.

The other Italians, dead and blood seeped out onto the sidewalk, greeted them as the two brothers escaped onto the street. Tommy took a deep breath; his lungs were burning, they felt like he had been trapped underwater or some shit. Like he was drowning on dry land, like he couldn't fucking _breathe_. And he could still smell the metallic tang of the gunpowder, and for once Tommy didn't want to look down at his artist's hands because he knew that instead of the pale white they usually were (what the fuck are ya, Tommy, Jimmy would say, a ghost?) they would be a dark and terrible red.

He helped Kevin tug them into the doorway of Sal's place, and they closed the door behind them. Then, as echoes of bullets in the empty night ran through Tommy's mind, and promises made and broken and renewed ran through Kevin's, they started their way to the Firecracker. Or to the hospital. Or to home. To wherever the night would take them, because honestly, after tonight—neither of them knew where they were going.

They had barely made it past two blocks before Tommy started this thing, this little thing where he'd take deep breaths and sniffle like he was a little kid after someone had taken away his favorite toy. And Kevin, what he hated more than little kids crying was his brothers crying, and what he hated even more than that was Tommy crying. "C'mere," he said, as he tugged Tommy into an alley only a few feet away. It was dark except for the halo of light a streetlamp set of at the head of the alley, and this shit was so fucked up – Kevin had never killed anyone before either, why didn't he feel anything? Why wasn't he crying, why was he only concerned about Tommy?

Kevin pulled Tommy close as they both slid to the ground in the alley, leaning against the cold brick. Tommy grabbed a fistful of Kevin's sweater as he buried his face in the fabric and let out a sob. It was quiet, restrained, but Kevin could feel his sweater getting wet and Tommy hadn't cried since they were kids and they talked about when Jimmy's leg got crushed by that car. And he knew that he was the only one that Tommy had ever told the truth about that goddamn accident, and what a clusterfuck this was. Tommy Donnelly should never cry.

"What have I done, Kevin, what have I done, I've killed people and I'm—"

"You're fine, Tom. You're gonna be okay," Kevin said. He tried to be sure, tried to sound it, because right now that was what Tommy needed. He wasn't entirely sure that everything _would_ be okay, because Jimmy had just been pinched for stealin' that truck and they had just killed a fuckload of Italians, and Seanie was in the hospital. But they were together, right? And everything would be okay. Eventually, everything would be okay.

"What do I do now, what happens now. I never wanted this for me. Not for any of you, especially not you, and now…" Tommy trailed off, and his hands stopped their clutching at Kevin's sweater. He absently wondered, if only for a moment, why Kevin liked sweaters. He also wondered when he had stopped crying, and when Kevin's hands had tangled themselves in his hair. That sounded so fucking _girly_, but he liked it. And how twisted is that, when Kevin's his brother and he saw that crucifix as his head rose and knew that what he was about to do was sacriledge.

The Donnelly brothers have known their fair share of women, and no one would ever deny that. Seanie had them all beat, having never been single since the fourth grade. They just had trouble _keeping_ the women, that's all. But they were fine with that, because practically since they were each in the cradle there had only been three women in their lives. Their Ma, the Virgin Mary, and Jenny Reilly. Now, the Donnelly brothers weren't overly religious. They didn't go to church much, and Tommy often reckoned that if they had they'd have turned out differently. Maybe Jimmy wouldn't be so bitter about his gimpy leg, and Seanie wouldn't be such a fucking womanizer, and Kevin wouldn't gamble so much – and maybe he wouldn't want to kiss his brother.

His mouth found Kevin's, soft and warm, and when for a moment he didn't kiss back Tommy felt like the most broke Luck-of-the-Irish bastard on this earth. Because honestly, how lucky can you _feel_ when you kiss your brother and he doesn't kiss you back, and you've just killed a fuckload of Italians, and your brother's sitting behind the chainlink with handcuffs on, and another is laying in a hospital bed all fucked up? How lucky can you feel?

"What the _fuck_, Tommy?"

Tommy was frozen, couldn't say anything. He stared at Kevin, and he stared back with the most curious expression on his face – like how he looked when he was deciding how much he was gonna bet on a game of cards or whatever-the-fuck else he betted on. And right now, Tommy would give anything to go back, back to the wake when he was just arguing with Kevin over how much he owed to Louie Downtown but that's when all this shit started so maybe he should go back further. But Tommy decided, well actually Tommy didn't decided, _Kevin_ did – because Kevin wrapped his hand around the back of Tommy's neck and pulled him in only a little bit roughly, and kissed him. Kissed him back, tongue and scrape of teeth, his other hand flat against Tommy's jacket and a firm pressure that kept him against the warm heat of Kevin's body.

"We should," Kevin took a deep breath, tried to get back on track with coherent thought because this shouldn't have happened, but it did, and what happens next. "We should get back to the hospital. Check up on Seanie, yeah?"

Tommy pulled away from where he had been resting his head against the crook of Kevin's neck. "Yeah," he said softly. "We should get back. We wouldn't want Ma to worry. Besides," he continued, and he hated himself for this even while he was saying it, "I told Jenny I'd come back."

Kevin pushed Tommy away gently, pulled them both up off the alley floor. They were probably dirty as fuck-all. They'd need to stop at the bar, clean themselves up because if they went to the hospital and Frankie was there, or if their Ma or Jenny started asking questions and then heard about what happened – They'd be screwed.

And Jenny? He really tried not to hate her for her being a reason Tommy was gonna go back to that hospital, but it just didn't work out that way. And what did she know, anyway. She had never seen Tommy with blood on his hands, Tommy crying and weak, Tommy whimpering into a mouth and clutching at the fabric of a shirt. She had never seen that. Kevin stopped himself, stopped himself from thinking that because Jenny was a good girl. That's why Tommy liked her. That's why all the Donnelly brothers liked her. Hell, Kevin thought, if I made a promise to Jenny to come back even I'd keep it.

"Let's go, Tommy," he said heavily. "I'm with you."

TBC.


	3. Time Has Come Today

**Title:** Time Has Come Today  
**Rating: **T  
**Prompt/Claim: **Tommy Donnelly/Kevin Donnelly (#3) Luck**  
Warnings:** Incest, mild language.  
**Author's Notes: **I don't know, this is what teen!Donnellys are like, I guess. Crossposted like whoa? Fandom _The Black Donnellys_.

**Time Has Come Today**

And the thing is, they've only ever kissed each other during spin the bottle. That's a fucked up concept if Tommy's ever heard of one. Some goddamn kid's game that doesn't mean anything, you only do it when you're drunk and wanting, like he was, or just feeling lucky, like Kevin said _he_ was. But Kevin had never won a single bet in his entire life up to that point, and Tommy had a certain feeling telling him that Kevin never would. Not that he would ever tell his brother that, whether it was just a secret kept unsaid between them or because Tommy didn't want to hurt him.

"Tommy," said Sean, "c'mon. There's plenty of us here. Don't always have to be the responsible one."

Tommy shook his head. He was only eighteen, but already he was too old for this. He had grown older than his brothers before he was supposed to. That car, that fucking car, man. The one that ran over Jimmy's leg. The one he was driving. Tommy had always had a thing for cars, he just liked the way they worked, how they _looked_. But he couldn't stand to be around them since the accident.

"Yeah, Tom," added Jimmy. "Have some fun, get your face outta all that paper and chalk."

"It's not chalk," said Tommy defensively, "I use oil pastels. And I'm too old for this. More importantly, how old are they?"

Kevin saluted Tommy with a beer that he had snagged from Jimmy. "Don't worry, they're legal." He paused. "I think."

And that really got to Tommy because hell, Kevin himself wasn't legal. He was only what, sixteen, and he was playing at being lucky, spinning the bottle and kissing Mary or Lizzie or Anne. All nice girls, all good. But Kevin wasn't lucky enough for any of them, but maybe he was, just _maybe_. Tommy didn't want to stay to find out, because what was worse than watching what you want, want something else? There was nothing Tommy could think of. But he did stay, only because Kevin had asked him to; and that was something that everyone knew about the Donnelly brothers. What they hated to do, they would do only if a brother asked them. It was that simple. Love.

Spin the bottle, five revolutions onto Anne. With an 'e' she liked to remind people, and she had taken a sip of whiskey just before kissing Jimmy and Tommy knew that he'd have to remind Jimmy in the morning not to go chasing after her. Because, after all, Jimmy had a knack of wanting what he couldn't have, and a good girl was one of them.

Spin the bottle, two revolutions onto Lizzie. She didn't like anyone calling her Elizabeth, it was too formal and there was talk about her daddy being a mean drunk so it didn't surprise any of them that she didn't touch a drop of alcohol that night. She was nice, and she just wanted to kiss a boy. And none were more willing than the Donnelly brothers; it was debatable after that night whether Sean had arranged it so the bottle would land on Lizzie, because even if Sean was a bit of a womanizer he loved saving the broken ones.

Spin the bottle, three revolutions onto Tommy. And he hardly noticed the look Mary sent his way as she stood up, walked out of the Donnelly apartment to the one her ma had down the hall. He didn't notice that Jimmy had left with Anne, probably back to their room with urgent hands and an even more urgent desire. He didn't notice that Sean and Lizzie had left, to God knows where, anywhere except where her daddy was.

All he saw was Kevin. The bottle lay directly between them, typical Guinness brown, and Tommy wished desperately that he were drunk. Because if he were, maybe he wouldn't feel nervous. Maybe he wouldn't want as much, maybe it wouldn't matter afterwards because surely it would. Maybe watching Kevin lean forward, lick his lips, wouldn't make him so goddamn fucking needy. But it did.

Then Tommy leaned forward, and not even the fleeting thought of 'he's my brother' could stop him. His mouth pressed against Kevin's, the pressure firm and sweet as Kevin's hand moved to cup his cheek. He hadn't known that his brother could kiss like that, soft and wanting. Their tongues met and danced, and Tommy could taste the alcohol in Kevin's mouth. He pulled back. It wasn't honest, it wasn't real. And it wasn't right. Tommy didn't want to bother himself with the question of why the right of it came last, and especially with why the hurt look in Kevin's hazy eyes made him ache.

He picked up the bottle and stood up, looking down at Kevin. "Get yourself to bed," he said at length. "I'll bring in the aspirin when I come."

Tommy watched Kevin get up and walk, and he tried to ignore the way Kevin sent an accusing look his way, like "we could've had so much more" or maybe even "thanks for ruining this, we had it going good." But! Maybe that last five words was just Tommy wishing for what he couldn't have. Everyone and their ma knew that Tommy Donnelly lived with his head in the clouds. It was what he heard next, though, that made up his mind to never let it happen again. The sound of Kevin's fist hitting the wall, and his signature _damn_ as he made his way into the bedroom. Even then, 'damn' was Kevin's word just as so many others belonged to his older and younger brothers.

Kevin wanted this just as much as Tommy did, and Tommy wouldn't let it get further than wanting. Love and happy endings were for the lucky, and hadn't Tommy said before that Kevin would never win a single bet. Apparently, and Tommy had never considered this, neither would he.

And something else? After that night, Tommy never played spin the bottle again, no matter how many times the neighborhood girls begged him too, which happened far too many times to count.


End file.
